For a long time, the mainstream view has told us that body and mind are separate things. Nothing could be further from the truth. What we think, feel and live does not happen apart from the body: it is part of one and the same experience.
At the same time, in many societies there is a clear tendency to control everything related to it: smells, expressions, desires, tiredness, symptoms, posture or performance. Something I observe again and again, not only in my work as a therapist but also in my personal life.
Over the years I have built a way of doing therapy and of moving through everyday life in which living from the body is an essential premise. But doing it in a specific way: kind, curious and respectful.
In short: connecting with the body does not mean analysing every sensation or forcing ourselves to feel more. It means recovering a source of information that can help us recognise emotions, needs, boundaries and habitual ways of being in the world.
We do not have a body, we are a body
First of all, I think it needs underlining: we do not have a body the way one has a jacket, a tool to use and then set aside.
We are a body.
We exist materially through it. We breathe, we move, we feel pleasure, fear, tiredness, tension or relief. And our history also influences how we learn to inhabit it.
The experiences we live through can leave their mark on the way we move, react and relate to bodily sensations. After long periods of stress, for example, some people discover they hold a lot of tension without realising; others shrink in certain situations or feel they need to appear especially firm to feel safe.
This does not mean we can look at a posture and automatically know someone’s story. The body is not a code to be deciphered mechanically. But it can give us information about how we are living a given situation.
The psychological is also expressed in the body
When we are nervous, perhaps the heart speeds up.
When we feel fear, we may tense up.
With sadness there may be heaviness, a need to withdraw or an urge to cry.
And when we have been holding too much for too long, tiredness may appear.
The relationship between body, emotion and thought is constant and two-way. That is why learning to observe our sensations can help us better understand what is happening to us.
Sometimes we use the word somatise to refer to physical symptoms in which psychological or emotional factors may play a part. But it is important not to automatically interpret any pain or illness as emotional: physical symptoms also need a medical assessment when appropriate.
It is not about thinking that “it’s all in our head”, but just the opposite: understanding that we are a whole organism and that our physical and psychological experience are related.
Living from the body is also being in the present
One of the things that interests me most about the body is that it is always happening now.
Thought can travel to the past or constantly anticipate the future. The body, on the other hand, gives us information about what is happening right now.
Perhaps I think:
“I can’t get angry at work.”
“I can’t cry in front of anyone.”
“I have to cope with this.”
“I can’t stop now.”
And yet my body may be showing tension, exhaustion, an urge to get away or a need to breathe.
Listening to it does not mean automatically doing everything we feel. It means adding that information to the equation.
What emotion is here? What do I need? Am I tired? Is something bothering me? Do I want to get closer or move away? Do I need to set a boundary?
Sometimes we live for so long from what we “should” do that we stop registering what we need.
The body speaks: posture, movement and emotion
Emotion has a bodily expression. We see it in the face, but also in breathing, voice, movement, gaze or the way we take up space.
We have all at some point sensed that “something is up” with someone even before they tell us.
That sensitivity to the body is part of our relational capacity.
We can also observe our own posture.
Not to correct it immediately, but out of curiosity.
Do you hide your chest? Do you lower your head a lot? Do you keep your shoulders tense? Do you make yourself small in certain situations? Do you notice your body changes depending on who you are with?
Our posture is not a fixed snapshot of our personality, but observing how it changes with context can give us interesting information about how we feel.
And when awareness appears, something very important appears too: the possibility of choosing.
When we think so much that we stop feeling
There are times when trying to understand everything can become a loop.
We think about why it happened.
What we should have said.
What it means.
What the other person will do.
What we should do tomorrow.
And we keep thinking.
Sometimes, in those moments, turning our attention to the body for a few instants can help us step out of the mental circuit and ask ourselves something simpler:
What am I feeling right now?
Perhaps there is pressure in the chest, a tight jaw, heat, restlessness, an urge to cry or tiredness.
We do not necessarily have to make that sensation disappear.
We can start simply by acknowledging it.
That said, connecting with the body does not mean that looking inwards is always the answer. Some people are very focused on every bodily sensation and that attention increases their anxiety. In those cases, it may be more useful to temporarily direct attention to the surroundings, move, talk to someone or widen the focus.
Listening to the body also means learning when to move closer to it and when we need a little distance.
Body work in therapy
Bringing the body into therapy can help us observe aspects of our experience that are sometimes left out when we work only with words.
How breathing changes when talking about something.
What happens when we want to set a boundary.
Where tension appears.
What we do with our body when we feel fear, shame or anger.
What happens when someone gets emotionally close.
It is not about replacing thought with the body. Nor about interpreting every sensation.
It is about integrating.
Thought, emotion, body, history and relationships are part of the same person.
In some processes, this perspective helps especially when someone says:
“I know perfectly well why it happens to me, but I still feel the same.”
Understanding matters. But sometimes we also need to experience new ways of responding, of feeling safe, of setting boundaries or of relating to our own emotions.
How to reconnect with the body in everyday life
I am not only talking about doing sport. Movement can be very beneficial, but connecting with the body is broader than training it or pushing it towards performance.
I am talking about starting to see ourselves as living bodies, with biological rhythms, needs for movement and stillness, moments of energy and moments of tiredness.
Some simple practices can be:
- When you notice discomfort, ask yourself: “Where do I notice it in my body?”
- At some point in the day, ask yourself a question I use a lot: “As a body, how am I?”
- Observe your posture without trying to correct it immediately.
- Notice whether you are holding your breath, clenching your jaw or raising your shoulders.
- Give yourself moments of movement with no goal: dancing, walking, stretching or simply changing position.
- Notice what happens in your body when you say “yes” to something you do not really want.
- And also give yourself permission not to analyse every signal. Listening does not mean monitoring.
The aim is not to turn the body into a new task to be done correctly.
It is precisely the opposite.
Living from the body, with kindness
For me, living from the body means ceasing to treat it only as something that must obey, perform, stay young, keep calm or not be a nuisance.
It means building a more respectful relationship with it.
Listening to tiredness before automatically turning it into laziness.
Recognising anger before judging it.
Noticing when we need space.
Allowing ourselves to enjoy.
Observing when we are tense without demanding that we relax at once.
Our body does not always have the answer, but it is part of the conversation.
And perhaps that is the fundamental change:
to stop relating to it as something we have to control and start relating to it as a part of us that deserves to be heard.
In the end, it all comes down to the title:
living from the body.
